Book Review - Family Driven Faith

Something is missing in evangelical circles and that something is our children. Statistics show that children raised in evangelical (and I use that term as loosely as the statistical studies do) families are leaving the church at an alarming rate. In his book, Family Driven Faith, Voddie Baucham addresses this issue head on, placing the blame for these departures squarely at the feet of the parents. He begins by bringing the problem into focus by presenting the above mentioned statistics and illustrations from his own experience as a father, pastor and speaker. In today’s society, parents have failed to instruct their children what the Bible teaches, but have instead abdicated this responsibility to the church, the Sunday School, and the youth group.

Basing his book primarily on Deut.6:4-9, Baucham encourages Christian families to accept the responsibility that is theirs in raising children. We shouldn’t be satisfied in teaching our children how to accomplish things in school, sports, society, etc, but rather to instill the faith of the gospel in them through active, purposeful parenting and biblical discipleship. The responsibility of discipleship rests with the parents and should include instruction in such things as maintaining a biblical worldview. As Baucham states, “Teaching our children to think biblically in these five basic areas [our view of God, man, truth, knowledge and ethics] will go a long way toward establishing a foundation for biblical thinking in their lives” (pp.76-77).

While overall the book has many good, insightful things to say, the chapters focusing more on the family unit as a family (as opposed to the family unit as a part of a church) were quite good. The chapter on creating and maintaining a family worship time in the home is especially good and perhaps worth the price of the book by itself. In it, he discusses the need for a family worship time and gives the following seven very practical and sound steps to establishing this worship time (pp.139-142):

• Family worship must be born of conviction.
• Family worship begins with the head of the household.
• Family worship must be scheduled.
• Family worship must be simple.
• Family worship must be natural.
• Family worship must be mandatory.
• Family worship must be participatory.

He follows these seven steps with seven blessings that are a result of family worship (pp.142-148):

• Family worship honors God.
• Family worship will draw your family closer to God.
• Family worship will draw your family closer to one another.
• Family worship will lay a foundation for multigenerational faithfulness.
• Family worship will expose spiritual weaknesses in your home.
• Family worship will serve as a training ground for smaller children.
• Family worship will make corporate worship more meaningful.

There were a couple of things I especially appreciated in this chapter. The first was his pointing out that family worship serves as a training ground for little children. It took Sarah and I a little while to realize this. We would be trying to train Jeremiah to sit still in church, but weren’t requiring the same thing when we had our family prayer time. As a result, Sunday mornings were rather difficult to say the least. Once we started training him to sit and listen during our family prayer time, we found that his “sitting still” abilities were improving in church also.

The second thing I appreciated in this chapter was what he said about family worship laying a foundation for faithfulness in future generations. His statement that “Children who grow up in homes that had daily family worship will see it as the norm” (p.144) rung true for me. I can still very distinctly remember our family devotions we had while I was growing up. As each child was able, we would take turns reading the Bible, reading a little Bible story geared towards children, and praying for missionaries. The impact of this family tradition will perhaps never be fully known, but I am forever grateful for my parents teaching me the importance of family devotions.

Beyond this chapter, the author had some good things to say regarding the interactions within the family, the importance of the father leading in the home, and the vast importance of teaching children the Bible. Unfortunately, I found much of the book to be long on illustrations & sage platitudes but short on Biblical explanations or defense. For example, on pages 159-161, he discusses the need for men to prioritize our families, but he fills almost the entire two-page section with his illustration, devoting only one single, small paragraph to basically saying “Don’t sacrifice your family on the altar of prosperity.” He encourages men to ask the tough questions, but doesn’t give guidance as to what those questions are. Much of the book follows this style of being wide in its scope of topic, but quite narrow in defending the author’s stance.

Further, I found much of the book echoing the style of many an evangelist I’ve heard that would use illustration after illustration to back up his point or soapbox issue, but not going into Scripture to defend it. Even when he states, for instance on p.161 regarding the question, “Should Mom work outside of the home?” that we should first “seek to understand what the Bible teaches on the matter,” nowhere in the following 5-page section does he even bring what the Bible says into the equation. The one time he does quote Scripture, it is seemingly in support of women doing what they must do to be a Proverbs 31 woman, even working outside the home.

Perhaps the area where he misses the mark on a greater level is when he discusses the family in the context of the church, mainly in the last two chapters. He is very correct when he states his case that the current situation in American churches is incredibly bleak when it comes to what our children are learning. His question, “What role does the church play in the process [of discipling children]” is exactly the question we must ask ourselves. He focuses much of his effort in arguing against the current approach to family ministry and specifically youth ministry. However, in arguing against the current approach, he throws the baby out with the bath water, so to speak, in rejecting the segregated approach entirely. The three problems of the current approach he lists aren’t very well argued from Scripture, if at all. In discussing the first problem, that there is no clear biblical mandate for the current [i.e., segregated] approach, he doesn’t present an argument at all, but rather spends the section seemingly excusing those who do follow the segregated approach. In fact, as he correctly points out, Scripture doesn’t mention anything one way or the other on the topic. (Arguments for or against the regulatory principle is a whole other topic entirely!)

The second problem as he sees it, that the current approach may actually work against the biblical model, is a good argument. But here again, this same problem could be applied to any approach used. Any approach may work against the biblical model, but that doesn’t mean that it will. His argument from Titus 2 regarding older women teaching the younger assumes that this teaching is done in the context of a Sunday School class. His question, “How can the older women instruct the younger women if everyone is in a Sunday School class with people within nine months of their own age?” is a bit of a straw man argument. Further, the same question can be reworded “How can older women teach the younger women if they are not meeting together in a setting conducive specifically for this purpose?” Here again, he fails to draw upon Scriptural support to argue against the segregated approach.

Ironically, in the last chapter and perhaps without meaning to, he twice contradicts everything he said about the segregated approach being wrong. Up to this point, he has made statements such as “We do not divide families into component parts….We see the church as a family of families” (p.191); or “Another distinctive of the family-integrated church is its insistence on the integration of all ages in virtually all of its activities.” (p.193) But then on page 197, he begins an illustration of something that happened at a Father’s Council meeting, a monthly meeting just for men! The purposes of these meetings are for “fellowship, prayer, vision casting, church business, etc.” How can a church who supposedly includes the entire family in everything justify such meetings? Perhaps it is because they see the importance of a “segregated” time for men to learn how to lead. But this then begs the question, “If a segregated approach is unbiblical, where do they get the biblical support for such meetings?” and secondly, “Why are these types of meetings deemed wise, but yet meetings of older and younger women are not, or even youth meetings?” The second contradictory example is found on p.209 where, in discussing the fact that many homeschool families are not evangelical, he recommends that a church start a Sunday School specifically geared toward homeschoolers. This does not line up with what he espoused earlier regarding the segregated approach.

Overall, there are many things in the book that need to be said and said repeatedly and loudly. Unless we as Christians in general wake up to the reality that our children are not learning of God through either our direct teaching nor by indirect example through our lives, what hope do we have of their continuing in the Christian faith? I would recommend this book (with some reservation) since there are several things that can be learned from the book, especially in the area of family worship, which I thought was the best chapter in the book. However, unless our teaching and beliefs are lined up solidly with Scriptural support, we are simply following another fad or method, no matter how great it sounds.

Pastors and "pastors"

Some time ago, Carlos wanted so much to wear a tie or what he called a “pastor.” Not quite sure why he called it that, but it’s probably because our Pastor wears one the majority of the time. He was so excited when we got him a little clip-on tie and couldn’t wait to wear it to church. Ever since then, he, Jeremiah and Natalie have called ties a “pastor.”

This past Sunday, we were getting the kids dressed. Sarah had picked out a little “pastor” for Ben to wear. Ben would have nothing to do with it, but Natalie thought it would look good on her. She donned the “pastor” and Jeremiah exclaimed, “Natalie, you can preach now ‘cuz you have a pastor!”

That evening after the service, Carlos, ever the social butterfly, stopped to see Pastor Tim who immediately interrupted his conversation to give Carlos a hug. Carlos commented on Tim’s tie, saying that he “had a pastor too.” Then Tim said, “You know what Carlos, may I pray for you? I’ll pray that God will help you be wise as you grow and perhaps some day make you a Pastor too.” And so right then, with Carlos grinning sheepishly, Tim prayed for him and gave him a hug once more.

Why do I share this? There are some who simply play the role of being a pastor, but often it doesn’t seem to go any deeper than the tie around their neck. They’ve got the right dressing, but that’s about it. But then there are those who “rightly divide the word of God;” they weep with those who weep; they correct those who need correcting; they encourage those who are fallen; and they take the time to be an Godly influence (however small or great) to an energetic, talkative and friendly 7-year old boy by simply praying for him (and his dad!).

That’s my Pastor.

Cat's in the Cradle

Carlos has this game that he likes to play. I use the word “game” loosely since most of the time he plays it after he has gotten in trouble over something. After being corrected on something, he’ll ask me if I had to do this or that when I was a little boy. For example, he might be complaining about the fact that bed time is fast approaching and ask, “Papi, did you have to go to bed at 8:00 when you were little?” Or upon seeing some undesirable food items on his plate, he’ll ask, “Papi, did you have to eat all your food when you were little?” And so on.

The underlying cause behind the question is to compare his state in life to mine and see if they match up or to see if there is any perceived unfairness. And to be honest, it got to be very annoying and I would end up dismissing his question by answering “It doesn’t matter what I got to do.”

The more I thought about this though, the more I realized that what I got to do when I was little did in fact matter. My parents did make me eat all my food (even the detested broccoli!); I did have a set bed time; I did have chores and schoolwork, etc. And I had all these things because my parents knew something I didn’t know. Well, a lot of somethings, actually. They knew that the values they taught me as a child would be the same values I would have as an adult and the same values I would teach my children. They taught me not to be wasteful (“Don’t take more than you can eat”), to be grateful even for the unpleasant things (“Yes, you need to eat the broccoli”), and to be responsible (“Have you done your chores?”), among many things. They also taught me that as my parents, they had a God-given responsibility for and authority over me. Sometimes they gave explanations for directions they gave, sometimes they didn’t. But my responsibility as their child was to honor and obey them, even when I didn’t understand, agree or like it.

Now, when Carlos asks me what my life was like as a little boy, I try to tell him that yes, my parents made me do this too. And I tell him that I’m glad they did.

Authority

I just recently started receiving TableTalk magazine from Ligonier Ministries and have so far really enjoyed the thought-provoking articles. The March 2009 issue centered on the topic of authority, specifically as it relates to the church, the family and the government. In his introductory article, Dr. Sproul states, “The act on one’s own authority against the authority of God is the essence of disobedience and of sin. When we grasp authority ourselves and do what is right in our own minds, we are attacking the very foundation of life.”

How true this is! Take any number of hot button issues in today’s culture, boil it down to its most basic premise and you will see that it’s a matter of pitting God’s authority against man’s contrived image of his own authority. But let’s not leave it at the big, nebulous, overarching level where blending into the masses and the faceless politics is way too easy. What about the sin in my life? When I willingly yield to the sin that tempts me, I’m basically saying that I don’t believe in God’s authority to tell me not to do that nor His authority to grant me victory over the sin nor His authority to bring about punishment. Instead, I follow what I think is best for me and thus try to make my own authority higher than God’s.

Where it gets muddier is when I realize that, as the head of my home, I have indeed been given authority, but only as it is from God. If I sin by not leading in a way that is honoring to Him, I am misrepresenting His authority. Notice that my family is still obligated to follow the authority given to me. I’m still leading, however poorly. Yet another hard lesson that I’m still learning is that to lead with this authority is not a popularity contest – leading only if I think someone will follow. This, too, is saying in essence that God’s authority is not enough for me to make a decision. For example, when it comes to family prayer time or praying with my wife, I am the one responsible for making the decision, and whether or not anyone will want to should not even factor into the decision making process. In the article on Family Authority, Denise Sproul states, “It is important to keep in mind that husbands, fathers and mothers who refuse to exercise appropriate authority in their homes are guilty before God for failing to submit to His authority. Their failure comes from not believing and acting on the Word of God, accepting the roles and responsibilities He has given them.”

And what is the result or goal of the authority given to parents, in particular? Denise later says, “Our children are given to us that we might return to Him godly seed, that we might help them learn to obey, that it would go well with them in the land.” Or stated another way, our goal is to train our children to want to love and honor God in everything. Not just to be good, moral, upstanding citizens. Not so that they’ll behave and make life easy for us as parents. But so they too will see the greatness of God and want to live in such a way that reflects back to him any and all praise.

Snapshots and Screenshots

Tim Challies' blog is one that I have come to enjoy reading and look forward each day to his posts. I think perhaps one my favorite features of the blog is his almost-daily A La Carte postings - snippets and tidbits of information from around the web, mostly along the Christian realm.

He has just posted a short (30-page) booklet of sorts that, in his words, "is a means of introducing myself and introducing what I write. It is a collection of my favorite articles..." Each poignantly written article is accompanied by evocative images that seem to only add to each article's mood. If you are not familiar with his blog, I would highly recommend checking out his Snapshots and Screenshots.

As a preview of sorts, here is just one of the articles, but in my opinion the most stirring. Tim notes at the end, "The story is so powerful that, as I writer, I can do little more than tell it. I wrote this through tears, thinking of my own children every moment. Though this is the earliest of the articles I’ve collected here, it remains a favorite. I always struggle with the temptation to dramatize or embelish it. But again, the story tells itself. It seems an appropriate place to close. Morning is coming!

Morning Will Come (by Tim Challies)

Dr. Criswell, long-time pastor of First Baptist Church of Dallas, was once traveling by plane to attend a speaking engagement on the East coast. After boarding the aircraft and getting settled, he was thrilled to recognize the man in the seat beside him as a well-known Christian theologian. Criswell greatly admired this man and was eager to get to know him. Soon the plane left the ground and after it settled into cruising altitude, Criswell introduced himself and the two began to speak.

The theologian told the pastor how he had recently lost his four-year old son to a terrible illness. It began innocently enough when the child was sent home from school one afternoon after developing a fever. At first the parents thought it was a typical childhood illness that would soon run its course, but his condition continued to worsen so that evening took him to the hospital. The doctors ran a battery of tests and told the parents tragic news - their son had a virulent form of meningitis and there was nothing they could do for him. The child was beyond their help and was going to die.

The loving parents did the only thing they could do, which was sit with their son in a death vigil. It was the middle of the day, only a few days after he became sick, and the illness was causing the little boy’s vision began to fade. He looked up at his daddy and said softly,”Daddy, it’s getting dark, isn’t it?”

The professor replied, “Yes, son, it is dark. It’s very dark.” And for the father it was.

The little boy said, “I guess it’s time for me to get to sleep, isn’t it?”

“Yes son, it’s time for you to sleep,” said the father.

The theologian explained to Dr. Criswell how his son liked his pillow and his blankets arranged just so and that he laid head on his hands while he slept. He told how he helped the child fix his pillow and how his little boy rested his head on his hands and said, “Good night daddy. I’ll see you in the morning.” With that the little boy closed his eyes and fell asleep. Only a few minutes later his little chest rose and fell for the last time and his life was over almost before it began.

The professor stopped talking and looked out the window of the airplane for a good long time. Finally he turned to Dr. Criswell and with his voice breaking and tears spilling onto his cheeks said, “I can hardly wait for morning to come!”

Though it may merely sound like the cry of a grief-stricken parent, the father’s words speak of far more. They speak of a profoundly beautiful truth, for the Lord Jesus Christ promised us that the morning will come. Death has been defeated and even now we await the dawn when Christ will return and death shall be no more. Only through Jesus can we have the hope of eternal life that sustains the grief-stricken father. Only through Jesus can we have assurance that he “will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.” (Revelation 21:4) Little boys will be reunited with their fathers so together they can dance for joy before the One who tasted and defeated death so others could have life.

God offers us this assurance only to those who will look to Him. Do you believe in Him? Have you looked to Jesus and cried out for Him to give you life? Cry out to Jesus, that when that new day dawns, you will be found in him.

Morning is coming

Lamentations of the Father

Lamentations of the Father
By Ian Frazier

Laws of Forbidden Places

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.

But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.

Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.

Concerning Face and Hands

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances

Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Law & Order – Toddler Unit

Anybody who’s ever watched shows such as Law & Order or NCIS will inevitably come across the plot line where the main suspect gives himself away by revealing too much information. It usually goes something like this:

(“*doink*doink*”)

Detective: “Our forensic scientists can place you at the crime scene with 99.9% accuracy (plus or minus 3%, you know how statistics are). Do you really want to make us go through all that effort? We know you whacked Bobo the Clown.”

Suspect: “I didn’t do it! There was no way I could have wiped that smile off his face with a tennis racket”

Detective: “How did you know his smile was wiped off with a tennis racket? We never released that detail to the public! Gotcha!”

Suspect: “Oops.”

And chalk another one up for the good guys. (“*doink*doink*”)

So it also goes with getting a confession from my pint-sized offenders. Inevitably, the truth will come out and the suspect dealt with accordingly. Of course, the problem is that logic is often lost on the young and they continue to proclaim their innocence. To illustrate this, let’s go back to Saturday morning at the Escalera household.

We’ve just finished breakfast and the kiddos are playing hither, thither, and yon. As is her wont (can you tell I’m getting in my quota of old English verbiage today?), Natalie wanders into the kitchen area to see what I’m doing. I turn toward her just in time to see Jeremiah run full throttle into her, pushing her down. Not sure what the motive was, but he certainly had intent!

Immediately he knew he’d been caught red handed, but this didn’t stop him from denying all involvement.

Detective (me): “Jeremiah, go to the bathroom. You were unkind.

Suspect: “I didn’t push Natalie!! I didn’t push Natalie!!”

Detective: “Jeremiah, I didn’t say anything about pushing. How do you know that’s why you are in trouble?”

Suspect: “Oops.” (This is what I would have thought he’d say, at least. But as stated earlier, logic is lost on the young and he continued to proclaim his innocence.)

Sometimes, it’s really hard not to laugh at your children’s disobedience. Which is probably why they have those special mirrored windows in the interrogation rooms.

(“*doink*doink*”)

I Hate Sundays

I hate Sundays.

There. I've said it. Twice in fact. Not sure if this makes me a bad Christian or not, but it's the truth. I used to enjoy it and look forward to it. Going to church to sing and hear God's Word taught was one of the best things of the week.

Then I had kids.

Now I dread Sunday mornings. My wife and I get up, knowing that the next 5 or 6 hours are going to be grueling. We wake up the two oldest (7 and 3) who, for some reason, are hardly ever in a good mood on Sunday mornings. We fight with Jeremiah to get him to eat the breakfast that only yesterday he was begging for. Carlos complains his tummy hurts, but in the next breath is sure it will feel better once we get to church and he gets a snack in Sunday School. The youngest two (1 and 2 months) are fed, clothed, and re-clothed after one or both has an eruption out of one end or the other. Between all this, we're trying to shower and get ready, too. As we rush out the door (already late), Carlos is asking me to help him with his memory verse so that he can get a prize. Not sure why he couldn't remember during the week, but anyway.

We arrive at church, Carlos is off to his Sunday School class, and my wife takes the three youngest to the nursery where she stays during Sunday School. Off I go to teach my class.

Between S.S. and the church service, I have to discipline Jeremiah for throwing a huge fit because he couldn't have a snack and this is because he didn't eat his breakfast. I drop Natalie off kicking and screaming in her nursery, and we all make our way into the sanctuary. We sing a few songs - or at least, part of them as we keep reminding Carlos to turn around or to stand up or keep Jeremiah from falling off the seat he is trying to stand on. The rest of the service goes pretty much the same. Sarah has to go feed Ben and I eventually have to take Jeremiah out (again!) for more disciplining opportunities. By the time the service is done, I'm exhausted and I honestly couldn't tell you what the sermon was about. I pick Natalie up from the nursery while she lets me know in no uncertain terms she is highly upset at being left in the nursery.

So, yes, I hate Sundays. But this morning, I was greatly encouraged by a couple in our church who I greatly admire and respect, and whose own children are grown now. They had sat behind us in the service and as we were walking out to the van, they said to me, "Stephen, I just want you to know that it does get better. Just remember that right now you are in a training period. You probably can't stand Sundays and we didn't either (they DO know what it's like!!)! Don't expect to get anything from the sermon, but again, remember that you are training your children and teaching them to hear God's Word." I swear, I could have hugged them both! So while Sundays aren't exactly at the top of my list of most favorite days, it helps to know that, first, others have gone through this and survived (their kids too!). And second, I am fulfilling my role as a father, hard as it may be, to teach my children the importance of church and hearing God's word being taught.

And on the way home, Carlos asks if we are going to church this evening, too.

Poachings and ponderings

Being a dad often means trying to explain things that are rather difficult to explain, especially when it reveals the more sinful side of human nature and especially to an inquisitive 6-year old. Last night, I put on a movie about polar bears for Carlos and Jeremiah. Well, it was actually about a couple of kids in Alaska, but along the way they befriended an orphan polar bear cub. Plus, since it had a polar bear on the cover, Carlos kept calling it the “polar bear” movie. During one of the beginning scenes, a poacher shoots and kills the mama bear and captures the baby bear. Later on, he and his partner are seen taking the fur of the mama bear out of a helicopter.

I was watching Carlos during these scenes and he had a very worried and confused look on his face. Finally, he asked me why they killed the mama bear and why they kept the baby bear in the cage. He had gotten the impression (rightly so) that the two guys weren’t exactly the most savory of characters. This seemed like a good opportunity for some instruction. I told him that these men were greedy for the money that selling the mama bear’s fur would give them and they wanted to sell the baby’s fur when he got bigger, too. He asked if they were going to eat the mama bear and I said no, they only wanted her fur. “God created everything in the world and we shouldn’t just kill or destroy something because we want to or because it might bring us money,” I said. “We should only kill another animal like a deer or rabbit if we need it to eat. But never just because we might get some money from it.”

I was glad to see that he seemed to understand and hopefully this will sink in little by little. I’m definitely not opposed to hunting, but at the same time I want to instill in my children a respect and kindness for other living things. This also makes me think how important it should be to talk about the movies our kids watch and use them as teaching points. Granted, Bob the Builder probably doesn’t have as many ethical dilemmas as the polar bear movie, but just being aware of the things they watch will I think goes a long way to instructing our kids. Just another teaching opportunity in the life of a dad , courtesy of Hollywood.

Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad!!

FINALLY!! I can blog about this! You have no idea how hard it’s been not saying anything about this.

Back in December, Sarah had a great idea of inviting my parents and all my brothers and sisters to Roanoke for a family reunion for my parent’s 40th anniversary. We then decided that it should be a surprise for Mom and Dad, not telling them about my sisters coming (my brothers would already be in Roanoke). This was the first time since 1999 that all of Mom & Dad’s living children were together, and definitely the first time for most of the grandkids. At first, Sharon (my younger sister) didn’t think she was able to make it, but after much persuading was able to come with her little boy, Josh. THEN, Michelle thought they might not make it because one of her girls broke her hand. We convinced Mom & Dad to come out for a visit, but had to let Dad in on the secret of Michelle (my oldest sister) coming to get him to agree to the dates.

Many e-mails flew back and forth, and it seemed like Sarah was on the phone with Michelle quite a lot, getting all the details worked out. They did an excellent job of planning the meals and different activities that we could do on a couple of the days.

Finally, the day came. Michelle and Sharon flew in, rented a car and drove to our house where they would be staying, along with Mark and his family (Needless to say, we have had a houseful!) Then we all went to the airport to meet Mom & Dad when their flight arrived. It was rather funny because with each plane that flew overhead as we were driving, we kept saying “I hope that’s not them!!” It would have been so terrible to have gone through all this planning only to have them get to the airport before we did! Thankfully, that didn’t happen. We all lined up with our “Welcome Papa and Nanny” signs and waited for Mom and Dad. It was so cool to see Mom’s face when she saw everyone, especially Sharon and Michelle.

But that was only half of their surprise. We all went to the Szechuan Restaurant on Friday evening for a special dinner. Afterward, we shared our special memories of Mom & Dad. It is a great testimony to them that most of the memories shared centered around the fact of how every one of us knew that Mom & Dad loved each other – from Dad’s “HUG ATTACK!!” to the fact that they never fought or yelled in front of us. Then came the gifts. Michelle had been working feverishly (and that’s an understatement!) on a special quilt for Mom that had their name in the center patch as well as their wedding date. Then around that were patches with each of their children’s and grandchildren’s name (blue patches for boys, pink for girls.) The look on Mom’s face when she realized what the quilt had on it was priceless. She spent some time looking at each one and then gave Michelle a great big hug. Dad opened his last and his reaction was one of shock – not just surprise, but full blown shock. With Mom’s help (Mom thought it was for Father’s Day), Michelle had gotten Dad’s dog tags (“Saved Baptist, B positive!”) and managed to find every medal or commendation that Dad had received during his 12 years in the USAF. All this along with his uniform name tag, a picture of a VERY young Pops, and an American flag was placed in a beautiful display case. When Dad opened his gift, all he could say was, “I’ve been waiting for this for 30 years!” Although Dad has been out of the military for a long time (even before I came around), he is still very much into the military. So this was perhaps the best thing we could have gotten for him.

We’ve had some other activities over the weekend and some more to come, but I wanted to blog about Mom & Dad’s surprise simply because I could now!! I’ll put some pictures up later on. To Mom & Dad – WE LOVE YOU!!

More Dad Stuff

This week, I went down to Greenville, SC for a Circulation Managers conference and thought it would be fun for Sarah and the boys to come along. Kinda like a mini-vacation for them. I got to go to some boring meetings and they got to do things like go to the zoo and the park. (Check out www.xanga.com/HouseofSmooches for more info and great pictures!) I enjoy having Carlos tell me about his day, especially when he does something new, even if it’s something that I think is relatively simple. So this week, Sarah, Carlos and Jeremiah came back to the hotel room and Carlos had some exciting news – he was finally able to go across the monkey bars all the way all by himself! Before now, he would always grab a hold of the first bar, stop, lose momentum and then drop. No amount of coaxing could get him to go further. He was so excited and couldn’t wait to tell me. And when I stopped, listened and was excited for him, he seemed all the happier.

Now, reading this you might think that this isn’t that big a deal. And it isn’t – to you or me. But it was a huge deal to Carlos. Sometimes I forget that he is just a little guy and there are so many things that he is just learning to do and is so excited that he wants me to share in that excitement. I have to remind myself of this and to be excited when he is and encourage him. I want him to always want to share with me what’s going on in his little world, because as he grows older, it’s not going to get any easier for him or for me. By being excited with him in his achievement, I showed him that what he does is important and that I care enough to be interested in the little things that make his day. The hard part is remembering all this the next time around. And it will come sooner than I expect it, I’m sure.

So, if there are any dads reading this, encourage your child in what he or she does, even if it doesn’t seem that big a deal to you. I’m sure it will mean the world to them.

Dad Stuff

You know how you sometimes hear of how some dads have this little routine that they do with their children and the children just think it's the greatest thing? I've always been kinda jealous of that and wished that I could come up with something creative that my children could remember. Well, without really realizing it, it happened.

Before we brought Carlos and Jeremiah home, Sarah and I had been working on our Spanish, trying to get some phrases down to help Carlos' transition. Among them was the phrase, "Estaremos siempre aqui para usted" which means "We will always be here for you." I can't remember what the other phrases were, but ever since the first day we were united with our boys, I have told Carlos that phrase every night. "Good night. Love you! Estaremos siempre aqui para usted!" [and out goes the light.] Carlos has asked a couple of times why I say that, but hasn't really shown interest or that this was something special to him.

Until a few weeks ago. Or rather, until I finally realized a few weeks ago that it was.

Carlos has spent the night at Oma's house several times now and even then, before he leaves (or before we drop him off), I would always tell him the phrase. Of course, he is always excited to go to Oma's house and so the last time he went, he jumped in her car, got his seat belt on, then looked up at me and said, "Papi, can you tell me what you always tell me?" I knelt down, gave him a hug and said, "Carlos, estaremos siempre aqui para usted." He got this big grin on his face and said "Si!" And off they went.

That made my day knowing that hearing those words wasn't just a routine that he half-listened to, but it was something that had become part of our father-son relationship. It's a constant reminder to him that we will indeed be there for him. I hope he still wants to hear the words 10 years from now since I plan on saying it to him even then.

The Snow Button

Tonight, Carlos rode home with me after Sparks and as usual, he was quite talkative. This time, however, he wasn’t just blathering and saying nothing at all. First, he talked about the stars and wondered if he could count them. He concluded the matter by saying that there were just too many to count. Then he started asking me about Heaven, and out of nowhere he says, “When I go to Heaven, I’m going to say ‘God, can I push the button to make snow?’ and God say ‘Okay, Carlos,’ so I’ll push the button and then – SNOW!” Trying hard not to laugh, I said “Do you think God pushes a button to make it snow?” Carlos: “No, he probably just speaks and it snows.” I then tried to explain how God makes it snow by turning the air cold and how water is in the clouds. He seemed pretty interested in this information.

As we drove, he kept talking about heaven and about seeing God. It went something like this. “Why can I not see God? God is everywhere? Wow! When I’m in heaven, will I disobey?” [Me]: “No, in heaven we’ll be just like Jesus and will always obey because we will love God perfectly and not have any sin.” [Carlos]: “When I’m in heaven, I’ll be safe and no bad mans can get me. If they try, they’ll die.” [Me]: “Well, to get to heaven, you have to die too.” [Carlos]: “If I die, will Mommy and Papi and Jeremiah be sad?” [Me] Yes, we’ll be very sad, but we’ll also be kinda glad since you’ll be with Jesus and being with Jesus is the best.” [Carlos]: “Maybe I cry and be a little sad. But then I’ll be happy with Jesus and we play games. Maybe I want to go to heaven right now. Why can’t I go to heaven now?” [Me]: “Well, God wants us to be with him, but maybe he says not right now and we have to wait. God wants us to tell other people about Jesus so they can go to heaven too.”

I tried to explain (very poorly) that just like I was his Papi, God can be our Papi too and he takes care of us. Then Carlos asked, “How come God not give me anything for Valentine’s Day?” [Me]: “Well, did God give you a Mommy and a Papi?” “Yes.” “Did he give you cookies to enjoy and friends to play with and a fun time at Tia Rebekah’s house and at Sparks?” “Yes…..you’re right. God gave me lots of things!” Later on, after he asked if God could hear him, I asked, “What do you want to tell God?” [Carlos]: “I want to tell him that I love him mucho mucho and that he is the best, best, bestest!”

There was so much else in the conversation, like when he asked why Jesus died and did he stay dead, and that he wanted to be like Jesus and always say sorry for disobeying. Unfortunately I can’t remember all the details of the conversation. But it struck me this evening driving home that with each of these conversations that Carlos has, I understand more and more what Jesus meant when he said to come to Him “as a child.” Trying to put into words a little 5-year old can understand makes me dig past all the “Christianese” and pat answers that we might give an adult and really explain what it is to be a child of God. “Thank you, my heavenly Papi, for my son who, in his own innocent way, reminds me to think of you and to love you. You are the best, best, bestest and I love you.”