Labor Limericks

When you’re waiting for a baby to come
Everything seems oh! so ho-hum
With way too much time
You start making a rhyme
And end up with a silly poem

We’re all so eagerly waiting
The uncertainty everyone hating.
Ben, what’ll it take
Your grand entrance to make?
I promise to give a high rating!

I think it’s time for Ben to come out
Although this he seems to doubt
Soon Sarah’ll be in a dither
Running hither and thither
While Ben wonders what the fuss is about.

If I could write my wife’s journal….

(with apologies to Daniel Defoe)

Day 279.

Or is it 278?

I seem to have lost all track of time. Each day blends into the next, with hardly any distinction. Has it really been that long since I arrived on this land I’ve come to call Bay BeBump Island? Was there ever a life or day NOT spent on this island? I can’t remember, but I doubt it, even as logic assures me that there was. Bah, I can’t trust my mind any longer, anyway. This land has had a strange effect on me. I’ve tried to counteract the effects with these lovely little cookies that I’ve found, each one enigmatically marked with an “m.” Surely, it must mean “munch me.”

I didn’t fare too well during the first weeks on this island. Adequate sustenance was hard to find and harder to keep [down]. Everything edible had a horrible affect on me. However, in time, I must have since acclimated to the food and my surroundings. For awhile, all was good. In the past few weeks though something has inexplicably happened to my bedding. No matter what I try, the ground seems to follow my every move and refuses to surrender its comfort in my sleep. And I swear someone or something somehow knows where I’ll lie down because they put a stick or something that pokes me in the ribs all night long. Have I mentioned the heat? I am now fully convinced of global warming since this place sure has heated up in the past few months. I'd give anything for an arctic blast. Or raspberry chocolate ice cream.

The natives on the island, though few, at times are quite demanding. It’s hard to describe them. Mostly of a darker complexion, they’re rather short in stature. They seem to be a fierce tribe, at least one would think so from all the war party’s they have. At least, I think it’s a war party, which is the only explanation I can think of for all the screaming and wailing. But for all their “fierceness” they raid my provisions quite frequently and even have the gall to sit on me! Don’t they know what kind of stress I’m under here on this island?! They appear to have made me their chief of some sort, although apparently not the kind of chief that gets waited on hand and foot. Speaking of feet, I wonder if I can bribe one of them to rub my swollen feet.

But there is good news! I spotted a ship on the horizon this afternoon!! Just thinking about leaving this island has me ecstatic. If my calculations are correct, the ship appears to be only a day’s journey away. I’ve got to get busy! I’ve got to make my list of things to do! If only I had the energy!

Ouch, what was that?!

Squirmeneutics

Thanks to Tom In the Box for this gem. Sometimes, reality is definitely stranger than fiction.

squir-me-neu-tics (skwûrm'meh-nōō'tĭks)
n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb)
1. the science of misinterpretation, esp. of the Scriptures, to such a degree that it causes listeners with any common sense to squirm.
2. misinterpretation of the Scriptures so absurd that it causes one to question whether or not it could possibly be for real.

Warning: This video is PG. It uses some old King James language that is generally considered crude today. I believe it's fine for adults, but you may not want your kiddos around when you watch this.

He Calls Them By Name

Check out this picture that my brother, Michael, took in Reno, NV. Absolutely incredible, if you ask me. Here's the verse he posted with it: "He counts the number of the stars;He calls them all by name" (Ps. 147:4). For some phenomenally breathtaking "Creationscapes" check out his website at www.escaleraphotography.com/landscapes.

Librivox

I like to read, but to be honest more often than not when the opportunity to sit down with a book presents itself, I get distracted by other things. Either that or I feel completely lazy and simply want to sit in front of the TV or computer and do absolutely nothing productive. However, in the past year I discovered a wonderful invention – audio books. Yes, I know they’ve been around for quite some time, but my discovery was fairly recent mainly because my commute got a tad longer at the beginning of 2007. I can’t stand listening to the radio, but with nothing else to occupy the time, I usually ended up channel surfing, listening to nothing in particular.

Enter audio books. Ever since discovering audio books, I’ve listened to six books, both fiction and nonfiction, and am currently on my seventh. That’s seven more than I would have read by now if I had to sit down with book in hand. It’s gotten to the point where I sit in my truck for a few extra minutes just to finish the section or to find out what happens next. I’ve even spent my lunch break listening to a book. When I finish one, I hurry to the library to pick out the next one.

While searching online for audio books, I stumbled across Librivox, a website providing free audio books that are in the public domain, meaning almost anything published before 1923. With over 1,000 titles and many more in the works (all free!), the folks at Librivox are on their way toward their goal of the “acoustical liberation of books in the public domain.” Among the finished works are Pilgrim’s Progress, Little Women, Around the World in 80 Days, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, the Bible and many others. Here’s the other interesting part (besides the whole “free” thing) – it’s all done by volunteers! Nobody is turned away from contributing, either as a reader or prooflistener. Naturally, this leads to some recordings being better done than others, but that doesn’t matter. Critiquing of someone’s reading style is highly frowned upon simply because volunteers, no matter the talent level, are always welcome. There is technical proofing though, to make sure stumbles, repeats, loud burps, etc are edited out of the finished product. Some books are done as a collaborative effort by multiple readers and some are solo projects with only one reader. The value found in this project (besides the whole “free” thing) is that books the audio publishers wouldn’t find profitable to publish find their way into the acoustical world and made available where they perhaps otherwise wouldn’t.

I’ve been very fascinated by this project and have even begun to volunteer. Let me say that this is perhaps one of the easiest, hardest things I’ve ever done. Easy because, well, how hard can it be to read a book, right? True. It’s also hard because the recording has to be free from the aforementioned stumbles, etc. It usually takes me at least twice as long to edit as it does to record, but I’m enjoying the new hobby immensely. My first project is quite large – I’ve decided to liberate Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations. I’m about halfway done with the first book. If you want to do some volunteer reading, all you need is a computer, some free downloadable software, and a microphone (the one I use is a headset combo purchased for about $20). Oh, and your voice of course. And if reading aloud isn’t your thing, listeners are always needed. If this sounds like something that would interest you, follow the link and join the liberation!